How to refuse unreasonable requests?
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Last time, I shared with you how to choose a meaningful job to do (https://www.helpful.guide/2019/05/how-to-evaluate-a-job.html). Today I want to continue talking about another topic, that is, how to refuse unreasonable requests?
In fact, you must know that if you want to gain control of your life, you must first learn the true “rejection” technique.
Why do many people clearly understand the importance of rejection, but still cannot get rid of various demands from their bosses, colleagues, friends or relatives? Whether it is the so-called “emotional blackmail”, or using power, authority and other methods to oppress, I often see that many people do not know how to deal with advancement and retreat, and cannot reasonably protect their own rights and interests; they even spend a lot of time and effort doing things other than their duties. It is really a pity to think about it!
Some friends will think that rejecting others is an emotionally hurtful thing. But if you always hold on to this idea, then there may be endless things to do in the future… Being able to help others is certainly a good thing, but we should also do what we can, not to mention that time is precious, and we should all focus on the most important things.
There is no need to feel sorry or guilty for rejecting others, as long as we correct our mentality, communicate with the other party calmly, and clarify our position and rights.
I know many of my friends are not used to saying no, but you really don’t have to feel guilty about it! Don’t be afraid that you will lose your friend because you reject the other person…
For example, people often ask me about various issues. I am actually happy to help everyone, but I will first judge the priorities and then decide how to help them. If you call me suddenly without communicating with me in advance or saying hello, or even ask me to help you with complex questions or answer them, even if these questions are not difficult, I will probably not be able to handle them!
In the past, maybe I would silently accept unreasonable requests like everyone else, but now I have changed my mentality and know that this is not the right thing to do.
At this time, I will explain my thoughts to the other party calmly and of course provide some reference information. I must say it again, it is important to make your position clear and leave no room for ambiguity in order for the other person to understand what you think. The reasoning should be straightforward, but the anger does not have to be strong. It will be more convincing to reason and communicate in a calm way.
If you want to control your own destiny, you have to start by rejecting unreasonable demands!
Of course, some friends have complained to me: “But, I rejected him! But, he still returned to his old ways, and…”
Well, maybe you think you have clearly rejected the other person, but sometimes it is inevitable that you will encounter a situation of stalking. What should you do at this time?
If you also have such troubles, you may wish to refer to Manuel. J． Smith (Manuel J. Smith) wrote the book “I say no, no one is sorry: Use “no” to gain control of life by force”.
The author mentioned seven anti-manipulation communication methods in the book. I think it is very interesting. You can refer to it:
- Record jumping method: It helps you to express your position firmly, easily escape the evil trap of speaking, and will not be swayed by the other party’s sophistry that sounds legitimate but is actually unreasonable.
- Free message method: It allows you to no longer be shy when chatting with others, and at the same time, you can generously encourage the other person to talk about his or her affairs more freely.
- Self-disclosure method: It can help you get rid of the dilemma of being at a loss when talking about yourself in the past, and instead use yourself as the topic to start a conversation in a relaxed and happy manner.
- The fuzzy focus method: allows you to tolerate criticism calmly without getting anxious or overreacting. At the same time, it also prevents critics who intend to anger you and control you from succeeding.
- Self-denial method: It allows you to look at your shortcomings naturally without being anxious or overreacting. At the same time, it can also reduce the anger or hostility of critics.
- Negative questioning method: In a close relationship, it will help you listen more freely to the other party’s criticisms and suggestions, guide the other party to express their truest negative emotions, and thereby improve the interaction between you.
- Possible compromise: As long as you feel that it does not hurt your self-esteem, try to propose possible compromises to the other party. In order to achieve your goal, you can always bargain with the other party in the process.
Cleverly combining these seven methods can help us easily escape the trap of manipulation and no longer be hit by any criticism. It can also further make others pay attention to your true wishes, and you will no longer be upset and troubled by rejecting others.
Distinguish right from wrong and have the courage to say “I don’t want it”, so that you can leave more energy and time to yourself and make the best arrangements. Well, let’s do it together!
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Further reading
- Dont be a bad person as an operator: Find the right business model and adhere to the principles of being a person and doing things
- How to ask the right questions and seek help from others?
